6.24.2010

Choices and Patterns in My Life.

Before I met Ben, I had been engaged before, actually, twice before. (You can judge me-- looking back I think it's pretty crazy too.) The second engagement was broken off about two months before the wedding. I had a dress, invitations were being made, non-refundable deposits were made, and airplane tickets purchased. However, as I was planning the wedding, I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. It was not fun to plan the wedding (it was fun to have showers and try on my dress). Then one day the person I was engaged to told me he didn't want to marry me anymore. It was devastating. I was upset and didn't know what I was going to do. When I was thinking, "my life is over, now what am I going to do?" The thought came into my head, "go on a mission". (If you are not Mormon (LDS) you might have seen LDS missionaries out and about, usually young guys in suits.) As soon as the thought came into my head, an immediate peace came into my heart and I knew that I should go. It was a tender mercy in my moment of despair. I went on a mission to Rochester, New York, and it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I would not be the same without it.

When I got home from my mission, I was living in Virginia with my parents, and I decided to move to Utah to go to school. The first semester I met Ben. We fell in love and got engaged. The day we got married, it was one of the most peaceful, amazing days of my life. Right before the ceremony, I had a moment just like I did when I decided to go on a mission; this is the person I was supposed to be with. It was a tender mercy to feel an assurance that I was making the right decision.

Ben’s last year of school he applied for A LOT of jobs, one day I found the State Department opening, told him it looked perfect, and he should apply immediately. We went through all of the necessary steps, and a few months later we were offered the job. When we were trying to decide if this was the best job for Ben and for our family, again, we both felt that peaceful assurance that this was the right step for us. We decided to go for it. Now, almost three years later we are working in Ben’s dream job, and my dream life (I am able to stay at home with our kids and we get to move around). Some days are tough, and there are days that I wonder if we made the right choice. I wonder if life would be easier if we just took one of the other jobs we were offered. Then I remember the peaceful assurance I received, and I am sure. I don't know what the future holds, or where this job will take us, but I know that it is where we need to be.

I am so grateful for the peaceful assurances that have come in my life so that I can recognize the hand of the Lord in my life, directing me and my family to be where we need to be. Even if I don't see it right away.

11 comments:

Jill said...

Good for you for following your faith and believing in yourself and your future! x

Lindsey Mae's Blog (Jess) said...

What a great post! It seems like every other week or so I come back to question whether this was a good choice for our family or not. And after much deliberation (every time), I always decide that it's where we need to be. It fulfills the desires we had for our life together and how we want to raise our daughter. But that doesn't always mean that it's an easy choice, or that there aren't daily struggles.

Your boys (all THREE of them) are very lucky to have you be so caring and flexible. This life fits you well, and I think there's a reason why things happen the way they do. :)

Z. Marie said...

Recently I found myself wondering how different -- not better, mind you, just different -- my life would be if I'd (and we'd) done some things differently along the way. For example, I didn't go on a mission and didn't get married until I was 26. (That was ancient by BYU standards back then.)
But I really believe we've -- and you've -- done the right thing. One big issue these days is job security, and our husbands have it. I don't know what Ben would have been doing otherwise, but Kevin is a lawyer. There aren't a lot of lawyers with job security right now.

A Daring Adventure said...

Oh, Emily, what a sweet post!! Loved reading your story. You're such a sweetheart...

David L. said...

Nice story. It is funny the twists life takes and how inevitably, things almost always work out for the best.

Liz said...

I love your post Emily. I am glad that things have worked out so well for you in your life, and I am glad that you are so happy. Always keep listening to that peaceful feeling. It seems to have served you well, I know that in my life as well it has never let me down.

jasonandjodie said...

Thank you Emily for always being so strong and such a good example to me. Even in those times you look back now and know they weren't the best decisions, you taught me so much in your courage to make things right when you realized what you were supposed to be doing.
I had the same experience with deciding to go on a mission, but I don't think the thought would have come if you hadn't set the example for me. You're amazing and I'm so grateful for you as a big sister. I love you and can't wait to see you guys next month!

Jen said...

Love the post! I often wonder the most about our lifestyle when others question it or imply that we are hurting our children by moving so much. Then I see how resilient our kids have become, how much they enjoy travel, how nice it is that one of us can stay home with them, and am reminded just how lucky we are that this lifestyle exists!

And so agree with Zoe about the job security...that is HUGE these days. Then there's the pension...I could go on and on....

Brittany said...

It is amazing to see how the strokes on our canvas can seem to be so dark sometimes and dont make any sense, then when time passes and we step away from our canvas we see a beautiful picture of who we are becoming, The person the "great artist" is painting. I love you Cousin!!

The Teeples Times said...

Thank goodness for a loving Lord who gives us those assurances!! I am so glad that you have that to give you peace during those crazy times in your life. Hope all is well. Your trip to Disney looked fabulous!!

Connie said...

What a beautiful story!! I believe in the peace you mention. I had a bad first marriage and after that, was determined to live happily single forever. Made a good start down that road too, then I met my current husband of 18+ yrs now and somehow, 'giving up' my dream of freedom, was easy, no sacrifice at all. :)

BLOG DESIGN BY DESIGNER BLOGS