40 by 40

What's 40 by 40? I'm glad you asked.  It is a list of 40 things I want to accomplish before my 40th birthday.  Right now I am 36.  I turn 40 September 29, 2021, so I have some time, and I need some help.  If you can help out in anyway- let me know.  Some of you are even on this list.

Without further ado- here is my 40 by 40 list.

1. Skydiving
2. Visit 2 new countries
3. 40 names to the Temple.
4. 40 books- 10 have to be non-fiction
5. Go on a trip with my parents
6. 40 hours of service
7. Visit D.W.
8. Go on a trip with S, K, T
9. Go on a trip with A.H.
10. Go to a museum by myself
11. Go to the beach
12. Run a 1/2 marathon
13. Go on a trip with Ben
14. Visit the Northeat
15. Save money to accomplish my list
16. Ride a train
17. Do a segway tour
18. Learn to make a cake from scratch
19. Read the Book of Mormon
20. Read the Old Testament
21. Read the New Testament
22. Read the Doctrine and Covanents
23. Read the Pearl of Great Price
24. Visit the White House
25. $40 to 40 strangers
26. Make dinner for someone
27. Write 40 letters
28. Write a journal about my 40 by 40 list
29. Hang out with N.H.
30. Travel for work
31. Go skiing
32. Run on the National Mall
33. Run in Central Park
34. Run in another country
35. Go 40 days without spending mon
36. Go on a date with Thomas during school
37. Go on a date with Jackson during school
38. Ride in a helicopter
39. Eat a new type of food
40. Do something brave ( I know this one is vague- I'm still working out the details)

So this is my list.  It is going to be a challenge to do some of these things.  Some of them turned out to be easier than I thought.  But you need that on a list like this.  Also, I took off run a marathon- I realized it is not something I really want to do, so I took it off. 


Snow Day.

Wednesday night we received the phone call that school would be cancelled for the boys.  I still had work, but I wasn't worried because Ben said that whenever the schools were closed, his school would be closed as well. 
I went to bed thinking that Ben would be home to watch the boys so that I could go to work.  Unfortunately, Ben did have school, and I didn't have anyone to watch the boys.  I started texted my friends frantically trying to find a solution.  I even texted my boss to see if I could bring the boys to the library for the day.  Luckily, a friend stepped up and said she would watch the boys. 
I arrived at work, only to be sent home because of the icy conditions.  I went and picked up the boys, and we had an awesome day at home together.  It was awesome.

However, the situation made me think.  I love working.  I have a perfect job with perfect hours, and I have extra "me" money every month.  It has been exceptional. Unfortunately, next year, our lives are going to be very different. Ben's job will require him to travel a lot, and I won't have anyone to watch the boys if there is ever a snow day.  Or during the summer, or when the boys have days off. It is pretty sad. I have time to get over it, and perhaps I will be able to find another miracle job that will work. But for right now, I enjoy my job.  I enjoy having a reason to get dressed, a way to get out of the house everyday.

Snow Day Diversions


A Challenging List

I have been listening to a podcast called Bold New Mom and I was listening to a free class about increasing confidence.  She suggested making a list of 100 things that I like about myself. It turned out to be a challenge. Mostly because as I was making the list, I found myself wondering what other people would think of my list. Would they agree? Do other people think this of me? I realized how much I do think about what others think of me. I realized it didn't matter what other people thought of my list, it only mattered what I like about myself, and what I think I'm good at. It was a great assignment, that helped me see myself a lot better. I do have a lot of good things going for me. I'm pretty awesome. You should try it.  Because you're pretty awesome too.
Then I took this and applied it to my kids.  I made a list of 50 things I like about them.  It was also challenging.  However, for them, it was challenging to not give a backhanded compliment.  You know what I mean?  For instance, I love it when you don't fight with your brother.  I love it when you actually do your chores. I love it when you don't have an attitude.  I made up my mind to only speak positively about my kids, and it was great.  Now I need to make a list for Ben.

And while I made a list for the boys.  Thomas made one for me.  I thought it was super sweet.

I let Thomas add one to my list- #71- You are good at buying things.  

This is the list that Thomas made for me. 


Self Image

In the spring/summer of 2014, I gained 50 pounds.  I felt completely horrible about myself.  It was devastating to me.  I bought clothes, and I didn't understand why they didn't fit.  I saw pictures of myself and would start crying. I hated the way I looked.  I couldn't understand why I had gained so much weight.  I think it was because of the new medication I was put on, but who knows.  I got rid of any clothes that didn't fit me, and I bought a new wardrobe.  I stopped taking full length pictures of myself.  I started looking at myself differently, and it was depressing.  I was still exercising.  I didn't think I was eating that much.  I was glad we moved because people wouldn't know that I had gained weight.  They would just think that is what I looked like.
A lot changed for me.  I had a lot more empathy for people who lose and gain weight.  I started the process of loving myself no matter what weight I was.  It was hard.  Most days I was okay with how I looked, and other days I struggled.  I really saw how much I depended on how I look to think well of myself.  It was a struggle.  I never fully won that battle, but I don't know that I ever will, no matter what my size.  Then I stopped taking the medication, and competed in a health challenge.  I lost 40 pounds.  It was amazing.  I was almost to the same weight that I started.  I don't think I'm fat, but I'm not skinny either. I think I will struggle with body image issues for the rest of my life.  I don't know that it is something I can get over.  I have become too worried about fat vs. skinny, firm vs. flabby.  It is too bad, because besides this issue, I have a lot of confidence and think I am absolutely amazing.  I have so much going for me, and wish that I could overcome this one challenge.  


Food Storage

Food storage. We have finally gathered together three months of food for our family of four. It’s not really exciting.  If we need to use it, we have rice, black and pinto beans, green beans, corn and dehydrated apples.  Oh, and tampons.  I'm not about to run out of tampons just because the world is ending.  Just saying.