4.06.2014

Time keeps moving forward.

I'm home in Sri Lanka.  I've been here a few weeks now, and I am settling in quite nicely.  I have wanted to blog about it, but I find that I am easily distracted from blogging when things are going well.

Last we talked I was hanging out in Virginia, and things were up in the air as to when/if I was going to be able to come back to Sri Lanka.  Everything was resolved, and I was able to go home after being in Virginia five weeks.  My mom was able to be here, in Sri Lanka, the entire time, and was such a big help.  My mom is a super lady.  She gave up a month and a half of her own life to come here and help us out.  Both Ben and I are extremely grateful for that.  It has been a great blessing in our family.

Thank goodness that drama is over- I may or may not blog more about what happened when I was in Virginia, but I'm not sure yet.

Now we are prepping for our next move; we are leaving here the end of June.  Then we will fly to Utah for the month of July, and finally we will head to North Carolina to begin our next adventure.


Life moves forward, and is pretty good right now.



3.04.2014

I understand the airplane safety instructions.

I remember listening to the safety instructions on the airplane as a kid and thinking it was totally unrealistic.  The part where they say that you put your own mask on, and then you assist those you are traveling with.  What parent in their right mind would put their own mask on first? I NEVER got it.  How could you put your own mask on first- it seemed harsh and cruel.  

I FINALLY GET IT.

I miss my kids and and I miss Ben. Words cannot express it. As much as I want to be there with them, I realize that I have to take care of myself first. Being here and getting help not only helps me, but it will help me to be a better wife and mom for them.  As much as I want to fly to Sri Lanka right this moment, I have to be patient. 

I hope that it is not much longer, as things are going really well.  I know right now, that I am getting my mask secure, so that I can help those I am traveling with- this handsome lot right here.




2.21.2014

Messages.

I believe in God.  I believe in Jesus Christ.  I believe in prayer and in divine guidance.

The last few weeks have been a time of a lot of prayer and meditation for me.  Another thing that I turned to in order to find peace is attending the LDS Temple here in the area.  This is a story that happened when I attended the Temple last week.

I was just about to leave the Temple when a young missionary (probably 19 or 20 years old) came up to me and told me that he felt like he should come up to me and tell me that "it's going to be okay".  He didn't know why.  Immediately my eyes watered, and I felt the love of my Heavenly Father.  I know that everything is going to be okay.

Then, a few days, and a world away in Sri Lanka, Ben was talking to a very old man for work.  When I say very old, the man was about 92. When the conversation was ending, it turned to God and a little bit of religion, and the man told Ben that "when you do what Christ taught, everything will be okay".

Two very different messengers, but the same message.  Everything will be okay.

I know that Heavenly Father is aware of us.  He will let us know, if we look for it.  In this case, it was a simple message, but it was enough.  Ben and I don't know how everything is going to work out.  There are a lot of things up in the air right now, but we know that it will be okay. And that is enough for me.




I was out and about yesterday, and saw this- "We looked to one another for comfort"
It reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:8-9


8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—


Thank you for all of you who have mourned with me and comforted me and my family.  It has brought peace of heart and peace of mind during this difficult time; I hope that the richest blessing will be yours.





2.17.2014

The reason I am in Washington.

If we are friends on Facebook, then you know what has been going on for the last week.  If not, I am going to tell you.
Just so you are warned, this post is very raw account of my struggle with mental illness. I wanted to write it for a few reasons.

First, it is part of my story now.  Not a happy part of my story, but a part that will hopefully help me and others.

Second, I am not ashamed of my mental health issues. I have is a disease that requires treatment.





Over the last few weeks, I have had some bad days.  Some really bad days, where all I wanted to do was sleep.  Every time I left the house, I would think about how I should cancel my plans with my friends so that I could sleep.  I wasn't doing very well, but I was also hiding it pretty well.

Then one day I hit rock bottom.

I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up; I wanted to die.  Luckily, in a moment of clarity, I called Ben.  In tears, I told him that I wasn't doing very well, and he knew something was wrong and came home from work.  I sat and cried and he held me. I called our medical person, who got me in touch with the Regional Psychiatrist.  When she called that night, I told her exactly how I felt, and that I had suicidal thoughts. It was suggested that I go to Washington DC to seek help.  Both Ben and I felt like it was the right thing to do, so we started making arrangements.  I called my mom, and she and my dad did everything they could to get her to Sri Lanka so she could help with the boys.

The next 48 hours or so were a blur.  I said goodbye to Ben and the boys, and I wasn't sure when I would see them again.  I was still having suicidal thoughts at that point, and I wasn't sure if I would see them again.  Also, if I was able to overcome the suicidal thoughts, I wasn't sure when I would be allowed to come back to post.

I arrived in Washington DC, and got settled into an apartment.  That is when I announced on Facebook that I was in DC for depression.

The good news, I am doing much, much better.  I had some changes to my medications, and I have found the desire to exercise again.  I have been getting out everyday, and keeping myself busy.  I am meeting with a Psychiatrist here, and things are looking up. The suicidal thoughts are gone, and I am able to enjoy life again.

The good that has come of this:

I have never felt so loved in my entire life.  My friends and family have really shown their true colors.  I have received the sweetest messages.  Some of my friends put together a video of the song "Cups" from the movie Pitch Perfect for me- which was awesome-thank you Lisa and ladies.  One friend dropped of cookies.  Several friends in Colombo have taken the boys on play dates and made sure that Ben was doing okay.

I know that God loves me, and is aware of me.

If my life could be measured by my friends and family, then my life is perfection.

I have new medication and a new diagnosis that will help pinpoint the problem, and help solve it.

I will keep moving forward.  Life is good.



2.04.2014

What the kids say and some family pictures.

The other day Thomas did something for which he got in trouble. Part of his punishment was to replace the item he destroyed and he was sent to his room. 
As he was walking up the stairs this is our conversation:
Thomas: Mom, don't tell dad.
Me:  We don't keep secrets, so I am going to tell dad.
Thomas: (Now WAILING) NO, DON'T TELL DAD. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL.
Me: What?!?
Thomas: If you tell dad, I will have to go to jail, and I'm too little to go to jail.

Where does he get this stuff?

Then with Jack.
Ben and I have been talking about holding Jack back a year in school.  There are many reasons for this, and we have talked to Jack about some of them. 
The other day, I was reminding him of some of the changes we were looking for. 

Me: Now, Jack, you know that we need to see some improvement so that you can move on to grade 2.
Jack: Yes. But mom, I don't want to stay back another year.
Me: I know, but we need to see some changes.
Jack: I know, but mom, I don't want to wait an extra year to go to University.


Well at least he has motivation. 
I hope that motivation stays with him for the next few years, like until he graduates high school.


And now for some family pictures.  We all ended up wearing white shirts. In my opinion it might have been a little much, but we still looked nice, so we took some pictures.





This kid is ALWAYS picking his nose.







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