How I ended up leaving my grocery cart at the check-out.

It has now been over a week since this particular event happened in my life, and I can tell it without feeling anxiety.


It started when crossing the border took twice as long as I expected, which is normally okay, but this time, I had two hungry (okay three including me) babies waiting for breakfast in the country of our births. It was long, miserable, and full of tears from the two kiddos. When we finally crossed the border and had breakfast, we headed to the grocery store to do our bi-weekly shopping.

Bi-weekly shopping means an hour, at least.  Jack doesn't like the grocery store very much, but if we get one of those carts with the car on the front, we can usually get through without any drama. I looked around and saw one, Jack climbed in, and when I tried to push it, the rear two wheels didn't work. I couldn't see another one, and I decided it would be worth it to lift and push the cart around so that my precious three year old would be happy. Thomas was somewhat content to sit in the kid seat in the front. This was going to be great. Both kids were happy, I was getting everything I needed, and life was good. Then we passed the one hour mark and my two babies (okay again, three) were ready to go. I was carrying Thomas; Jack was helping me push the cart that I still had to lift. Done. We were all done. We walked up to the check-out, and guess what? No regular check-out lines were open. Nope. None. There were self check-out lines, and a 15 items or less line with a few people in it. Since one of my (many) pet-peeves is when people with a cart full of bi-weekly shopping stands in a 15 item or less line. I hesitantly make my way to the self check out, knowing that I was going to have to hold Thomas, enter in all the codes for my produce and bag my own groceries. Does anyone else feel drained just reading that sentence? That is exactly how I felt. I began the chore of emptying my extremely full cart. At this point Jack discovered the bagging area, and thought it would be fun to climb on and help me.

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

"Jack, get down from there, and come help me."

This is when I started to work on the produce. Red peppers, in case you were wondering. I entered the code, the amount of peppers, and put it in my bag. "Place item in bagging area," the check-out voice told me. I had already placed the red pepper in the bag, but the scale in the bagging area did not know that. The voice asked me, in a mocking tone, if I wanted to skip bagging, sure. Skip the bagging.

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Oh great, now the voice has recognized my red peppers, but I have opted not to bag. I took the red peppers out.

"Item taken from bagging area."

I put them back in.

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Okay, you have to be kidding me. I look around for some help. I see my three year old looking at the candy, but no store employees.

I lost it.

"This is ridiculous." I have cried, half yelled.

"Jack, let's go. Right now!"

The tears are streaming down my face, and I take Jack, Thomas and head to the exit. As I am leaving, I look back, and there is an employee standing in front of my check out line, looking in my direction with the most curious look.

We went to the car. I cried. I was crying in frustration from the self check-out, and the frustration that I knew that I would have to come back to the store (obviously, not this particular store, I am pretty sure I will never go back there) to do my shopping.

Crazy right? Yes, I would say so. I realize that many of you are uncomfortable, because crazy people make people uncomfortable. As a warning- you aren't going to like this next part very much.

I am now seeing someone about all of my problems. Yes I am. The feelings of isolation both from being a stay at home mom and living in another country where I don't speak the language have all come to a boiling point. I need to talk to someone. I need "tools in my toolbox" so that I know how to deal with all the stresses in my life, and so I don't take them out on other people, or walk away from my life. It is hard. Life is hard, and I am not dealing with it well. If I end up on your door step, you can know that I didn’t use my tools. If I keep blogging, then things are on the up and up.

Don’t think that everything is bad. It isn’t. There are really good days, filled with fun and laughter. There are days that I am happy, and life is good.

I realize that maybe some people think that I need to be medicated and put in a padded room somewhere, and maybe you are right, but I am trying to avoid that, and this is one of the steps I am taking.