Year Four in the Books.

This was given to me this week from a student from last year. I love the whole thing, but especially that she knew I loved her. 

One of my students wanted to twin on the last day of school. This is what we wore. 

 Another school year is done. This is year 4 for me. This year definitely had its ups and downs. I questioned whether I was in the right job, I questioned my future with my job, and there were a few times I just wanted to give up. I am definitely not perfect at my job. Honestly, I don't even know if I am good at my job. But what I am good at, is making kids feel loved. I am good at saying hello and giving hugs. I'm good at making space for everyone. 

I don't know how much longer I can deal with the commute, but I am staying where I am for at least another year. 

Dear Diary. I'm kind of messed up.

When the pandemic hit, I felt out of control. Everything around me was in chaos. I called crying to my doctor to change my medications, I called two different therapists, I called someone to offer hypnosis. I was spiraling. 

After a few weeks, things in my mind seemed to be settling down, but then I started gaining weight. The gym was closed and my back was hurting so I would go on two hour walks. Then the gym opened up, but I was only comfortable using the cardio machines, so I would use them for 1.5-2 hours a day. And I was still gaining weight. I hired a weight loss coach, and was only able to lose a few pounds. It all came back as soon as I stopped dieting. I worked through the weight gain with a therapist. I was mostly comfortable in my body. Now my only goal was to not gain anymore weight. I started making myself throw up. It started out every once in awhile, and ended up daily. It went on for a few months. I wanted to stop because I knew it was not good for me, but I. COULDN'T. STOP. 

Then I got COVID and couldn't eat because I was so nauseous. I wasn't making myself throw up because I couldn't eat anything.

But you guys. It was the reset I needed. It's only been a few weeks, but I haven't made myself throw up at all. Don't be mistaken, I've also been working with therapists, and a life coach to help me. But I just wanted to celebrate this. 

For me, this is a huge win. I don't know what it looks like in the future, but for right now, I am so grateful to be where I am. 

 

Just another Saturday.

 

Going for a walk in the woods.

Still lets me hold his hand. 

Today was an ordinary Saturday. There is magic in the ordinary. We went for a walk, we went to brunch. I wore an outfit that made me joyful. We hung out on the deck. I just love these small memories. 

We also had one memory that won't be going anywhere soon. 

We took Sahara to go for a walk at Bull Run Park (a huge National Park with woods and trails).

We lost the dog. 

For 45 minutes. The dog was lost in the woods.

I let her off her leash for a minute. I called her back, but she found a squirrel and was off. In less than 10 seconds, we couldn't see her. She wasn't coming back to her name being called. She was lost. 

We called her name. We trekked through the woods. We prayed. Five minutes later Ben spotted her. It was a mighty miracle.