How has it already been 10 years?

At our staff meeting today, we did this little activity. I have to be honest, I had to look up some of these to make sure I had the years right. Can you believe all that has happened in the last 10 years? I certainly can’t. And this is just the beginning. The last 10 years have been amazing. I am grateful for all I learned and did in the last 10 years. I’m pretty sure that if you are reading this, you were a significant part of the last 10 years. 

Here is to the next 10. Also, can you believe that I turn 40 in about 18 months? I can’t. I don’t feel 40 at all. I’m well on my way to completing my 40 by 40 list- see one of the previous blog posts for that list. 

Right now it is snowing. We had a 2-hour early release for the snow. There are rumors that tomorrow will be affected, but I don’t want to think of that right now. 

40 by 40

What's 40 by 40? I'm glad you asked.  It is a list of 40 things I want to accomplish before my 40th birthday.  Right now I am 36.  I turn 40 September 29, 2021, so I have some time, and I need some help.  If you can help out in anyway- let me know.  Some of you are even on this list.

Without further ado- here is my 40 by 40 list.

1. Skydiving
2. Visit 2 new countries
3. 40 names to the Temple.
4. 40 books- 10 have to be non-fiction
5. Go on a trip with my parents
6. 40 hours of service
7. Visit D.W.
8. Go on a trip with S, K, T
9. Go on a trip with A.H.
10. Go to a museum by myself
11. Go to the beach
12. Run a 1/2 marathon
13. Go on a trip with Ben
14. Visit the Northeast
15. Save money to accomplish my list
16. Ride a train
17. Do a segway tour
18. Learn to make a cake from scratch
19. Read the Book of Mormon
20. Read the Old Testament
21. Read the New Testament
22. Read the Doctrine and Covanents
23. Read the Pearl of Great Price
24. Visit the White House
25. $40 to 40 strangers
26. Make dinner for someone
27. Write 40 letters
28. Write a journal about my 40 by 40 list
29. Hang out with N.H.
30. Travel for work
31. Go skiing
32. Run on the National Mall
33. Run in Central Park
34. Run in another country
35. Go 40 days without spending money
36. Go on a date with Thomas during school
37. Go on a date with Jackson during school
38. Ride in a helicopter
39. Eat a new type of food
40. Do something brave ( I know this one is vague- I'm still working out the details)

So this is my list.  It is going to be a challenge to do some of these things.  Some of them turned out to be easier than I thought.  But you need that on a list like this.  Also, I took off run a marathon- I realized it is not something I really want to do, so I took it off. 

Looking Back to Move Forward.

I think a mustache looks good on me.  What do you think?

I made some resolutions last year, and I don't remember what they were.  Well, I remember one- I wanted to read the standard works (New Testament, Old Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price).  I didn't make it.  I finished everything except the New Testament, and some of the Old Testament.  Not a total fail, but I could have done it.  I gave up early.

I trained for a half marathon, and although I wasn't able to run the race I wanted, I ran the distance.  It was a challenge, but I am glad I did it.  I hope to keep it up, and perhaps run a race later this year.  Perhaps this spring?  Or Utah this summer?  

Last year was full of discovery for me.  Good, bad, and everything in between.  

Some of the things that I learned about myself this year:

• I am not as perfect as I think I am.
• I need to be a better wife/mother/friend.
• I think a lot about myself.
• A lot of my outfits I wore were not a awesome as I thought they were. (Huge bummer.)
• I am pretty good at math; I got an A in my math class after not taking any math for several years. I have one more math class this semester and I will get my associates degree.  HOORAY!!! Then on to a Bachelor's Degree.  Now I have to decide what to get it in...do I go for something I love or go for practical? 
• I am a talented person; there are some things that I am really good at.  Maybe I can't sew, sing, or draw, but I have some amazing talents.  (This discovery was/is huge for me.)
• I think I have a shopping problem.

2012 was a roller coaster for sure.  For the most part, I think it was a great year.  It is always difficult to realize imperfections.  I am trying to figure out the difference between discovering weaknesses and trying to improve weaknesses and being too hard on myself.

What am I going to do about these discoveries?  Well, I hope to improve myself this year.  I'm starting with the shopping problem.  Ready for this?  For the next six months I cannot buy myself any clothes.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  It is going to be a challenge, but I think I can do it.  I know this might sound ridiculous to some of you, but it is something I know I need to work on.  

I am going to take my last math class, and figure out what I want to do for my bachelor's degree.  

I am going to work on developing my talents and not be so hard on myself that I can't do everything.

The other things require a lot more reflection and self discovery.  I know that I will never be perfect, but I know that I can improve.  

There you have it.  Looking back at 2012 to figure out where I am going in 2013.  

Let's hope we can end 2013 a little better and a little happier.  

If you have any goals/resolutions for 2013, good luck!  

Jinxing the bucket.

Do you have a bucket list?  You know, a list of things to do before "kicking the bucket".  At one point in my life, I had a list of things to do before I die, but I have lost it, and can't remember what was on that list.  I could try to recreate this list, but I don't really want to.  I have made bucket lists of things to do before I move from someplace.  However, something out of my control usually happens, and I am unable to accomplish the wish list.  You see, I feel like as soon as I express my desire to accomplish something that is really important to me, the universe conspires against me.  Yes, friends, I am important enough that the ENTIRE universe conspires against me.  For real.  You probably are too, either that, or the universe likes you a lot more.

Even though I don't have an official "bucket" list, I have come up with two things I want to do before we leave here.

1.  Run a half marathon.
2.  Stay in a hotel where the rooms are huts over the water.

I have already registered for a half marathon in November.  I have started my training, and I am glad I have that long, because I am going to need it.  This was almost thwarted the other day when I was nearly hit by a car, crossing the street.  As in, Ben was worried that I had, in fact, been hit by a car.  It was a close one.  So, as long as I stay in one piece, and don't contract some strange disease between now and then, I should be okay.  I hope.

What can I say about number two?  I really want it to happen.  Even if it is only for one night.

There you have it.  My "bucket" list.

I have probably jinxed myself now that I have told you about my list.  However, I also need some accountability, especially with number one.  You see the week that I registered for the race, I lost all desire to run...and have been working on it ever since.  I have made some adjustments to my training, and so far things are going better.  I hope it will continue.



Do you have a bucket list?  What is on it?

I always have an excuse.

For the most part, I have really enjoyed my life and have few regrets.  I have made decisions based on what I felt was best for me in the situation I was in.  I am not perfect, and have made some choices that were probably not the best, but I can't go back and fix them.  However, I can learn from my mistakes, make better choices, and move on.

When Ben and I met, we were both attending a community college in Salt Lake.  It didn't take long for us to fall in love and get married.  We both continued to go to school full time and work full time, but I was getting worn out. I was tired and unmotivated, so I stopped going to school.   Time moved forward and I became pregnant and the thought of going back to school was pushed even further out of my mind.  I figured I would go when the kids were older, when we were settled somewhere long enough for me to attend classes. 

Then something happened.  I struggled for most of last year with anxiety and depression.  It was not a good year, and I found myself craving some sort of outlet.  Blogging was an excellent source of diversion; however, I was spending so much time on the computer with not much to show for it.  I wanted to do something for myself, and the idea popped into my head to go back to school.  I dismissed it because I didn't know how I would be able to do school and take care of the kids and everything else that a mom of two little boys has to do.  Then I was talking to a good friend who told me to just do it.  I talked to Ben and he said just do it.  Everyone I talked to said just do it.  So I did it.  I applied, was accepted a few days later and now I am taking two classes online.  It isn't much, but it is a step in the right direction.  For the last two weeks I have been getting back into the groove of reading textbooks, taking quizzes and being a student.  It has been great.  My amazing husband has been watching the kids as soon as he gets home so I can study.  He has even cleaned the kitchen each night!  I wouldn't be able to do it without him.

I realize that it would have been a lot easier to finish school when I had the opportunity the first time, but I didn't.  I can't go back and change that, but I can move forward towards the goal of finishing.  It might take several years, but that is okay.  I will do it.

That is why this blog has not been updated in awhile.  That and since the first of the year I have been reading the Harry Potter books.

More to be grateful for.

Ben and jack have a very special relationship.  They go together like peanut butter and chocolate.  Last night Jack was dancing around his "dance music".  All of a sudden he stopped, ran towards Ben, yelling Daddy, Daddy.  I looked to see if he was hurt, but when he got to Ben, he put his arms out and gave him a big huge hug.  He stayed there for a few moments and patted his back.  Love you daddy.  Love you Jack. 

My eyes watered, my heart swelled.  What a tender moment and expression of true love.

My Attitude of Gratitude.

I have really been trying to focus on gratitude more, and today, I am grateful for the decisions that my parents made that have affected my life. Mostly, I am grateful for the career that my dad chose. I grew up moving around every three to five years. Being able to move around gave me so many opportunities. I was able to meet people from all over the world, experience different cultures, and learn to adapt to new places. I had to figure out who I was and what I stood for, which did take some serious trial and error, but I eventually figured it out. My life would not be the same without the decisions that my parents made about their own lives, which have affected my life. I would not have taken the same path, and I don’t think that I would be where I am today if my dad would have chosen another career.

In thinking about this, I realize that I need to be more mindful of the choices that Ben and I make that will affect Jack and Thomas’ lives also. {No pressure.} This might seem like a no brainer, and it should be, but it just really hit me today. It also makes me even more aware of the power and the necessity of prayer.

On a lighter note: I talked to Ben about this, and I told him that if my dad would have done something else, we probably would not have met, and that he would be married to someone a lot less high strung, and probably a lot nicer. He told me that we were meant for each other, and that we would have found each other no matter what, soul mates of sorts. Then he followed that up with, there aren’t a lot of people that would be able to put up with you’re... insert: awkward silence. I am sure he was going to say “you’re amazing beauty”, “you’re well focused energy”, or perhaps, “you’re amazing ability to love so perfectly”. Maybe something like that.

{True Love.}

Resolution.

Generally I have a cynical view of New Year's resolutions.  I don't usually even remember what resolutions I have made by the end of January.  I do, however, admire those that make resolutions and make an effort to keep their resolutions.  This year I am going to take a different approach.  My idea comes from Ben's cousin, Shannon.  She has a one word goal for 2010, her word is Joy.  I thought this was a great idea.  I can actually do this. 
My one word goal for 2010 is GRATITUDE.  I know that I need to be more grateful for my life, particularly for my children and my husband.  I know that if I were more grateful for them, my life would be easier.
My attitude of gratitude starts now.  Here are some of the things I am grateful for.

1.  I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The best parts of me come because of my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

2.   I am grateful for prayer.  When I wish I could be closer to friends and family, one way I feel closer to them is to pray for them.  It is my long distance hug. 

3.  My amazingly loving husband.  He is my favorite.

4.  My two boys.  They in every way have made me a better person.  I can't imagine my life without all they are.

5.  Blogging.  I have never been good at scrapbooking or keeping a journal.  Now I have both in one format.  It has become an outlet for me.  I find that writing our experiences helps me see the good in my life, and gives me a way to look for the best in my family. 

Anger Management.

{Who wouldn't love these good looking boys?}

I can have an explosive personality.  Ben used to describe me as a firework (really big and loud, but then the effect goes away really quickly).  I have a hard time when things don't go my way.  I have a tendency to overreact and not be able to control what comes out of my mouth.  It is a problem.  Especially now that I have kids. 
I have been working on controlling my anger with Ben for awhile, but it has just been recently that I realize that I need to work on it with my children.  I find myself getting so frustrated when Jack doesn't do exactly what I want him to.  I get frustrated when he plays quietly until Thomas falls asleep, and then he plays with all the loud toys on the wood floor, right by Thomas' door.  Ahhh! So...
Last week I made a goal of being nicer to my family.  It mostly worked.  I was so nice to Jack.  I don't think I yelled at Jack once!  {Amazing for me.}  Ben on the other hand made me mad one day and I got frustrated, yelled really loudly, and said some things I shouldn't have.  The next day things were fine, but I always feel so stupid for getting mad.  This time it was over something completely lame, and insignificant, but I let it get to me. Why do I do that?  I am restarting my goal, and I am going to try to hold my tongue (that is SO HARD for me to do) and not let things get to me.  Good luck to me. 

{In my defense, sleep has been a little lacking lately, which is when I can be at my worse.}

I love my little family, and wouldn't trade them for the world.  They make my life better.